Serious RL situation

Berserker_Paradox

Fate demands we strive for what we'll never get.
Hey yall,

four days ago I cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years. I'm scum for it, I know. Last night he told me he had taken 200 dollars, bought a gun, and was going to kill himself Christmas eve. I'm so scared, and don't know what to do. Any helpful thoughts would be appriciated.

-MJ
 
Um, you probably shouldn't waste your time asking us what we think you should do.
You should, however, probably talk to someone who can actually do something about it.
 

CnC

Ad Oculos
Can't say the Berserk fansite forum is the best source of this type of info, but if it really isn't some ploy for attention then perhaps contact family and friends to talk to him if your attempts to reach him aren't working.
Other than that you might want to call the cops if it gets bad.

There are suicide hotlines and other places to get better info, tho.

Berserker_Paradox said:
I'm scum for it, I know.
yup.
 

Aazealh

Administrator
Staff member
Well obviously, by telling you such details your boyfriend (or now ex?) is asking for your attention. If he really just wanted to kill himself he could do so now and simply leave a letter accusing you. He's hurt and all that so while not knowing anything about you, him, or your relationship, I'd recommend you to try to talk him out of it, to contact his friends/family, and if you still love him and think your relationship can go on after what you've done, to try to mend things up. Since it's entirely your fault, a sincere apology accompanied with more proof than just words would be in order. Beyond that, more details would be needed for people to be able to give you specific advice.

Of course the safest way is to make sure he gets rid of the gun (if he did buy one) and to spend Christmas Eve with him and other people.
 

nomad

"Bring the light of day"
  Heh, could be a cry for attention, could be the real deal.  Either  or, what said before is pretty much one of your options.  Contact his family ASAP.  And just to be safe, I'd talk to your family as well.  One can never anticipate someone elses actions, specially when they are hurt like that and goes out buying a gun.  I'd be careful if I was you.  OOoooh ha ha almost forgot.  You MIGHT wanna tell the guy you cheated with as well...
 

Berserker_Paradox

Fate demands we strive for what we'll never get.
Thanks for the advice, Aazealh. It's not really my style to go online and air this kind of information. I just was scared to talk to anyone else. He said that if I tried to do anything or tell anyone he'd just do it sooner. I feel emotionally blackmailed. I know what I did was very wrong, but I don't think this is fair either. I'm torn between doing everything in my power to stop this from happening, and my gut that hates him for such a threat (not even, in his words, it's a gaurentee) and wants to just fucking have nothing else to do with him for it. My father killed himself when I was 13, and for him to say he'd do this to me kills me.

Anyway, thanks for listening.
 
I think you need to be more honest with yourself and him. If you're tired of him or whatever, do yourselves both a favor and let the boy go. There must have been a reason why you cheated on him. Whatever the case, he can't be that important to you if you can't be faithful to him.

I apologize if that seems harsh, but those are the first thoughts that come to mind.

To repeat what the others have said, if he was to commit suicide he would have done so by now instead of threatening to. Call the suicide hotline, get that gun away from him if he's telling the truth.

Don't plan on it being a walk in the flowers if you guys happen to reconcile. What you did was major and earning that trust back you can be more than sure will be a long and rocky road. The question is will you be willing to talk it out and he to listen.

CnC said:
Berserker_Paradox said:
I'm scum for it, I know.
yup.
Winde
 

Aazealh

Administrator
Staff member
Berserker_Paradox said:
He said that if I tried to do anything or tell anyone he'd just do it sooner. I feel emotionally blackmailed. I know what I did was very wrong, but I don't think this is fair either.
Well in any case you need to tell people about it. It can't just be your secret or something. It doesn't matter if he's saying he'll do it earlier or whatever, just warn his family and close friends. A suicide hotline could also do, but I don't know how these work in the US so I can't tell if it'd work in this situation. Not doing anything at all and just listening to his threats and whims is really the worst thing to do, especially since his main goal is probably to make you feel as guilty as possible (which I can't blame him for).

Berserker_Paradox said:
I'm torn between doing everything in my power to stop this from happening, and my gut that hates him for such a threat (not even, in his words, it's a gaurentee) and wants to just fucking have nothing else to do with him for it. My father killed himself when I was 13, and for him to say he'd do this to me kills me.
Like Winde said, if you get to hate him for it, then I guess you guys aren't made for each other. Same thing if he's doing it intentionally to hurt you because of your father. But that's really more of a question: are you made for each other? Do you still love that guy, was your relationship going well before you cheated on him? Regardless, you need to inform the people close to him of his threat. If you want to get back together with him you'll have to try to have him forgive you and that won't be easy, otherwise if you think it's over you should just sincerely apologize and move on (cease all contact for while, whether it's e-mails, phone, etc). Be completely honest with him without being resentful or too harsh, it's really the best thing you can do.

That's all the armchair counselling I can provide, I hope things will be fine for both of you.
 
I'd get in contact with his family, friends, anyone who you know can help with the situation.  Let them know exactly what he's said, because even if this is a "cry for attention", you have to take a threat like this seriously.  I'd get help ASAP, that's my recommendation.
 

handsome rakshas

Thanks Grail!
Wow, what can I say that has not been said already? Knowing of what happened to your father, this guy knew exactly what to say to get your immediate attention. Well, even if your family did not have a history of suicide this is something that deserves immediate action. Put the whole cheating issue on the backburner for now, let close ones know what is going on, and get this guy help as soon as you can. Remember, although it is hard to do to a loved one, you can always get this guy petitioned to be admitted to a psychiatric facility. A shitty thing to do at Christmas, but better than having him actually go through with it. I see this kind of situation almost every day, and I'd say that not many people who have suicidal ideation actually have the intention of going through with it. Take care of this before a threat turns into a reality.

I'm really impressed with the advice given by everyone who posted in this thread. All of you deserve a special thanks for being swift to offer excellent advice to a troubled person.
We really do have wonderful people on this forum.
 
My parents always tells my that we are not responsible for other's life.. meaning that if someone is treatening you to commit suicide because of you.. you can't be responsible wheter he lives or not. How can he think you will love him again by doing this ? I guess it's just pushing you away more.

It's just my opinion, I'm not in this situation so I can't tell...
 

handsome rakshas

Thanks Grail!
Shurikn said:
My parents always tells my that we are not responsible for other's life.. meaning that if someone is treatening you to commit suicide because of you.. you can't be responsible wheter he lives or not. How can he think you will love him again by doing this ? I guess it's just pushing you away more.

It's just my opinion, I'm not in this situation so I can't tell...
Your parents gave you advice on someone trying to kill themselves over you? You must be quite the heartbreaker! Is it some kind of cultural belief to you? Where are you from? CANADA? What the hell! :guts: And no, I just can't agree with you on this one. Troubled people need someone to demonstrate that they are worth something, valued, loved, and appreciated by those around them.
 

Aazealh

Administrator
Staff member
Shurikn said:
My parents always tells my that we are not responsible for other's life.. meaning that if someone is treatening you to commit suicide because of you.. you can't be responsible wheter he lives or not.
I think that really depends of the context (situation, people involved, relationship between them, etc), and so that doesn't seem to be a good general advice to me. Like Rakshas said, for people with real suicidal tendencies, to have someone there for them can make all the difference.
 
I guess I didn't explained my point very well..

If the person is really suicidal.. you have to get back to him/her. If it's just a menace to get you back... run away. This is what I mean by that. Like Aazealh said.. depends on the context.

You are funny handsome rakshas ! Hahaha ! It's just that I remember talking about that with my parents because something like that happened to someone near us.. but he was just treatening the girl.. he was not suicidal.

If the person is really suicidal, you have to confort them and stuff.. but if the relationship is over.. it should remain over.. if not.. it's like a prison.

I just hope you guys understang what I meant now !

Hahhaha I'm still laughing about you concluding I'm from Canada just by what I said.. really funny.
 
Definitely siding with Aaz on this one, most people who commit suicide don't talk much about it. I have known several people who played the cry for help card and they are all still alive last I heard.

Your guys situation could be a couple of motives I can see. Like already specified, completely a cry for help craving both pity and attention. If this is the case and he breaks down so over this, he probably doesn't have enough going for him. At least if it's like that, you could probably get him back if you tried.

Of course, If what your saying about your dad is true, he probably knows that bringing up suicide is the most convenient way to hurt you for revenge without any real interest to do so. It's kind of bastardy, but then again if I was fucked over like that I might consider it. ;)
 

SaiyajinNoOuji

I'm still better than you
Emotional Blackmail... how thoughtful he is! :carcus:

Although you did cheat on him, if someone is going to use it against you like that, its not even worth the time. Let go, move on, but much like 9-11, NEVER FORGET!

Use this as your lesson and use your head better next time.
 

Berserker_Paradox

Fate demands we strive for what we'll never get.
Update on the Serious RL Situation

Hey message boarders,

About a month ago I posted a situation that I had trouble dealing and seeking advice on. You guys were very helpful in responding and giving me an outside opinion that I was very grateful to recieve. So, thank you all very much for your responses.

To update, my boyfriend didn't kill himself, and we spent Christmas Eve together. I felt we needed to separate and take a break from one another. Over the last month we've been working on rebuilding trust and friendship. I still have my doubts, but I think we're on the right path.

Thanks again to all, I'm sure there will be more venting to come from me. :casca:
 

Aazealh

Administrator
Staff member
Re: Update on the Serious RL Situation

Hey Berserker_Paradox! That's good to hear, I'm glad everything worked out in the end. Hope you guys had a nice Christmas Eve. :serpico:
 

SaiyajinNoOuji

I'm still better than you
Berserker_Paradox said:
I'm 20, he 21. I'm turning 21 this year. So young yet so much drama, right? :???: What can you do...
Oh its not that young. regardless, things like this always happen. Just make sure you guy always have an open way of communication.
 

Berserker_Paradox

Fate demands we strive for what we'll never get.
SaiyajinNoOuji-Trading Cards said:
Oh its not that young. regardless, things like this always happen. Just make sure you guy always have an open way of communication.
Yeah, that has seemed to be my downfall. I'm not so good at communication but all I can do is keep workin at it.
 
Well, look at it positively this way... he feels strongly enough to kill himself over you. I mean I know there hasn't been a woman in my life yet, that I would kill myself over.

I'm glad though, that things are getting better for you.
 
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