Author Topic: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!  (Read 4641 times)

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Offline Dar Klink

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Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« on: July 12, 2009, 12:09:04 AM »
Create your own little paragraph or so to put on the back of the Dark Horse releases of Berserk. Use this for reference: http://www.skullknight.net/forum/index.php?topic=7043.msg171076#msg171076
I don't see how any of us could possibly do better than those elegantly written pieces of... greatness, :troll: but we should try.

Written by Kentarou Miura, Berserk, ain't no walk in the park with your little ol' grandmother. Unless that park happens to be in the Ninth Layer of Hell, and your grandmother happens to be an eight foot tall demon with a mouth full of razor sharp teeth! It's black-hearted dark humor and bloody gore fests will leave you wishing you hadn't forgot to visit the Depends aisle when you went grocery shopping! Prepare for you doom tiny humans!

Offline Groovy Metal Fist

Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2009, 01:39:22 AM »
Created by Kentarou Miura, Berserk is an apocalyptic swarm of demonic orgies, gripping horror, and a buster sword wielding bad ass who will leave you begging for your death. Berserk ain't for kiddies, folks. Unless that kiddie is an AK-47 wielding juggernaut with more than a few K.O.'s under his belt. Wrap that blindfold around your eyes and get on your knees!

Offline handsome rakshas

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2009, 02:48:59 AM »
I seriously have no idea why this topic wasn't made a few years ago. Here's one I wrote back when everyone was pissed off at Chris Warner.
Please excuse all the crude stuff, I was so mad! :zodd:

"Created by Kentarou Miura, Berserk is a brilliant manga masterpiece that has been chopped, screwed, and raped by the Dark Horse and turned into a festering manga genital wart that relentlessly attacks your senses with boxes that cover the artwork! Dark Horse's "Berzerk" is the kind of ball-busting manga that will fuck you in the ass and not even give the common courtesy of a reach around! The goggles do nothing!"

That one took two minutes! You think DH will hire me?

Offline pippin22

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2009, 03:14:44 AM »
Created by Kentarou Miura, Berserk is a neck wringing manga rape debacle that has a shlew of devotees ready to suck its cock on a dime.  A butcher's knife wielding tornado, it takes no prisoners.   Make way, puny do-gooders, this one goes for the jugular, and it ain't jokin'!

Offline Dar Klink

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2009, 05:39:15 AM »
Written by Kentarou Miura, Berserk, is a rip-roaring ride on the graphic novel rapids that leaves you up a creek without a paddle... or a boat for that matter! Darkly funny and sexually arousing, Berserk, won't keep your panties dry for long, but enough talk! Have at you!(or maybe "how bout you!" :troll:)

Offline Jaze1618

Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #5 on: July 13, 2009, 06:23:35 AM »
Pippin that was Hilarious. Handsome Rakshas, also very funny!!

Offline Gobolatula

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2009, 01:09:51 PM »
Written by Kentaro Miura, Berserk is an anime that is even bloodier than Dragonball Z! Do you remember the first time Gohan went Super Saiyan 2? EPIC SHIT! Well this is even more epic. Just check it out. Did you know that this was originally written by a real live Japanese person? My favorite color is green and I like pancakes.

Offline Walter

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2009, 01:31:56 PM »
Quote from: Walter's malformed mind
Drawn by Kintaro Myura, BERSERK is a monster manga maelstrom, brimming with massive mammaries, multitudes of megaevil mutants, and muckraking of mythic proportions, drawing martyrs and miscreants to it like a menage a trois to a flame! TO INFINITE AND BEYOND!

:femto: :slan: :ubik:

Offline Henry Spencer

Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #8 on: July 13, 2009, 08:35:34 PM »
Okay, so I took vol. 9's description and turned it inside out.

Quote from: Vol. 9
Created by Kentarou Miura, Berserk is a bleeding-edge manga battering ram, an epic fantasy of intense action, unsettling horror and gallows humor that has spawned legions of devoted readers and scores of horrified onlookers.  You canít handle the truth!

My version (note: the syntax is supposed to horrible):

Shat out by Kentarou Miura, Berserk is a pedestrian manga, a quiet, peaceful, erotic fantasy of mild-mannered inactivity, lame scares and pedestrian humor, that has done absolutely nothing for a very small cult following, comprised of bored readers and a couple of minuscule administrators, who have nothing else to do all day. You canít handle all the lies!

 :schnoz:

Offline Walter

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #9 on: July 13, 2009, 08:39:39 PM »
That seems like cheating, to me  :azan:
:femto: :slan: :ubik:

Offline handsome rakshas

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2009, 08:45:00 PM »
Written by Kentarou Miura, Berserk, is a rip-roaring ride on the graphic novel rapids that leaves you up a creek without a paddle... or a boat for that matter! Darkly funny and sexually arousing, Berserk, won't keep your panties dry for long, but enough talk! Have at you!(or maybe "how bout you!" :troll:)

Yep I just pissed my pants. I don't know if I like the Dracula or Death May Die version better.

Offline IncorrigibleThief

Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2009, 10:51:06 PM »
Written and illustrated by the legendary Kentarou Miura, in this volume of BERSERK Guts and pals trudge through Midland while fleeing from the king's dreaded army of mercenaries and colorful assassins. But the party really gets started when Griffith invites everyone to his Eclipse Ceremony. Can this really be happening? Who will be leaving The Band of the Hawk forever? And can that really be a big-breasted hooker here among all these monsters!? Oh god, I've always been a sucker for the ladies...

Offline OmegaSeamaster

Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2009, 07:55:41 PM »
Created by Kentaro Miura, Berserk is a thousand-volume manga assault, an obsession in the making that will sodomize your life savings while leaving your marriage a smoldering ruin. If you're looking for something to read in divorce court, this ain't it - unless you want the bitch to get your kids for life and you're ready to pay some dragonslayer-sized alimony!

Offline Walter

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #13 on: September 30, 2009, 07:58:59 PM »
It's missing the one-line stinger at the end.  :carcus:
:femto: :slan: :ubik:

Offline Oburi

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2009, 08:04:18 PM »
Created by Kentarou Miura, Berserk is a thousand-volume manga assault, an obsession in the making that will sodomize your life savings while leaving your marriage a smoldering ruin. If you're looking for something to read in divorce court, this ain't it - unless you want the bitch to get your kids for life and you're ready to pay some dragonslayer-sized alimony!

 :ganishka:

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #15 on: October 24, 2009, 06:04:10 PM »
"Created by Kentaro Miura, Berserk tells the story of a severely troubled one man army named Guts. With his impossibly huge sword that he wields like it is weightless, Guts martial abilities are matched by no mortal man wile he is driven by a rage that boarders madness. Wich is good because the demonic creatures he has sworn to eradicate are some of the most terrifyingly twisted horrors ever depicted in manga. Will Guts be able to exact revenge on the forces of hell that took away everything he once cared for? The odds are vastly stacked against him, but if any creature of flesh and blood has a chanse of doing it, it's Guts. Berserk is an incredibly intense seinen manga that shows what a world corrupted by hellspawn would really be like: A place where ordinary people are mercylessly preyed upon and where only the brutal survive. Definitely not you average knight story!"

There, take that as my intro here!  :guts:

Offline Dar Klink

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #16 on: October 26, 2009, 07:31:37 PM »
"Created by Kentarou Miura, Berserk tells the story of a severely troubled one man army named Guts. With his impossibly huge sword that he wields like it is weightless, Guts martial abilities are matched by no mortal man wile he is driven by a rage that boarders madness. Wich is good because the demonic creatures he has sworn to eradicate are some of the most terrifyingly twisted horrors ever depicted in manga. Will Guts be able to exact revenge on the forces of hell that took away everything he once cared for? The odds are vastly stacked against him, but if any creature of flesh and blood has a chanse of doing it, it's Guts. Berserk is an incredibly intense seinen manga that shows what a world corrupted by hellspawn would really be like: A place where ordinary people are mercylessly preyed upon and where only the brutal survive. Definitely not you average knight story!"

There, take that as my intro here!  :guts:
Oh come on, that one is too accurate and shows too much respect to the series for Dark Horse. :troll:

Offline Walter

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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #17 on: October 26, 2009, 07:33:17 PM »
Yeah, to give a genuine effort into this contrasts with the spirit of the thread -- embarrassing summaries inspired by DH's.
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Re: Make your own Dark Horse Berserk Synopsis!
« Reply #18 on: October 27, 2009, 08:23:49 AM »
Yeah, to give a genuine effort into this contrasts with the spirit of the thread -- embarrassing summaries inspired by DH's.

While making fun of DH summaries was the inspiration, I still think it's funny to see a random "true fan" give a random off-the-top-of-their-head summary out-do their attempts.  :iva: