Favorite Onion 'Reports'

Walter

Administrator
Staff member
I 've read it daily since I got a job at a newspaper, and I've been following it since high school. Here's my favorites off the top of my head.

Area Man Goes And Gets Himself Hit By A Goddamn Bus
[quote author=http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29484]"When the call came in from dispatch saying that some moron had just strolled out in front of an oncoming bus, my partner and I were like, 'Come on, what is this, a joke?' "[/quote]
This is the first article I ever saw, and it's still one of my favorites.


Man Finally Put In Charge Of Struggling Feminist Movement
[quote author=http://www.theonion.com/content/news/man_finally_put_in_charge_of]"All the feminist movement needed to do was bring on someone who had the balls to do something about this glass ceiling business," said McGowan, who quickly closed the 23.5 percent gender wage gap by "making a few calls to the big boys upstairs."[/quote]
New, but one for the history books.


Area 5-Year-Old Has Tummy Cancer
[quote author=http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29576 ]"The doctor says I have something bad in my tum-tum," said Colquitt, speaking from his bed at St. Luke's Memorial Hospital. [/quote]
This one always gets me. But when I try to explain to people why it's funny, they just give me funny looks instead. Oh well, their loss =).


Eight-Pound Man Removed From Woman's Vagina
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28437 said:
In a bizarre case that has baffled medical professionals across the country, surgeons at Albuquerque's Veterans Memorial Hospital removed a living eight-pound man from the confines of an area woman's vagina Monday.
My all-time favorite.


I just recently found out they publish their stuff in bound collections:
The Onion Ad Nauseam Volume 13

PS: Nearly everyone I work with reads this stuff constantly. That's awesome to me, and really, you have to have worked in the industry to get some of the humor (perfect example). My fiancee just doesn't get about 80% of it.
 

CnC

Ad Oculos
Clinton threatens to drop "da bomb" on Iraq.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29620

One of the first one's I ever saw. Not their best but still brings a smile to my face. The picture with "Mr. Wiggles to do that stuff" had me :)
 

Aazealh

Administrator
Staff member
Well, while I like the Onion a lot I read it rather infrequently for some reason, so I don't really have something sticking out in my memory. The thing is, there are so many good ones it's hard to choose. =) Anyway, there's one video that I believe is among the best ever, and it's the missing white girl, probably raped one: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/missing_girl_probably_raped

Walter said:
PS: Nearly everyone I work with reads this stuff constantly. That's awesome to me, and really, you have to have worked in the industry to get some of the humor (perfect example). My fiancee just doesn't get about 80% of it.

Does this mean I should be proud of myself for getting it? :guts:

EDIT: A reason I should be reading the Onion more often at work is that nobody knows what it is, nor can make a difference between that and a serious news website I'd be using for work. :badbone:
 
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