Movies to dread

Aphasia

ALL MYSTERIES MUST BE SOLVED
Hahaha, that is great. "She's a Valkyrie"

I dunno, I'm kind of with NightCrawler on this one. Doesn't look that interesting. Reminds me too much of Clash of the Titans, not in a good way...more like a "Look at how awesome everything is" way. Which isn't exactly terrible itself, just makes for a good popcorn flick. We'll see.

The real question: Will it feature mammal punching?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9EGPNbTaOI
 

Griffith

With the streak of a tear, Like morning dew
I'm with Nightcrawler as well (though I don't know who he's arguing with about the original Conan movie, as far as I can see nobody has said a bad word about it =). While the first movie isn't technically faithful, it is in spirit, and further in keeping with Howard's books it's a spirit that's mostly lost these days and unlikely to be recaptured in print or on film.
 

NightCrawler

Aeons gone, vast, mad and deathless
Griffith said:
I'm with Nightcrawler as well (though I don't know who he's arguing with about the original Conan movie, as far as I can see nobody has said a bad word about it =).

Madam President said:
compared to Ahhhhnold (Hollywood. Seriously?) from those terrible (yeah, I said it) Conan movies from the 80s.
 

Griffith

With the streak of a tear, Like morning dew
I see the first quote, but in the next one all I see is...


:griffnotevil:

I'm telling you, all of you, I won't see or hear a bad word about the original Conan movie. :femto:



http://movies.yahoo.com/summer-movies/fright-night/1810168434

Good God, what have they done to Fright Night? :judo:

I'm really looking forward to Hollywood's drop dead serious remake of The Blues Brothers "re-imagined" as hitmen posing as musicians. It'll be completely sterile, soulless, laughably unaware, and filmed in desaturated grey hues like every fuckin' movie this decade. :azan:
 

Griffith

With the streak of a tear, Like morning dew
So yeah, this is still happening:

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi4133133593/

The role of Mike Myers is being played by Hank Azaria, who I imagine at some point in the movie will be hit in the groin.
 

Griffith

With the streak of a tear, Like morning dew
When the hell did this happen!?

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/rise-planet-apes.html#showVideo=1


Also, pretty sad nobody besides me is looking forward to or dreading movies anymore. :azan:
 

Walter

Administrator
Staff member
Griffith said:
When the hell did this happen!?

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/rise-planet-apes.html#showVideo=1


Also, pretty sad nobody besides me is looking forward to or dreading movies anymore. :azan:
That looks terrible.
 

Griffith

With the streak of a tear, Like morning dew
Walter said:
That looks terrible.

Yeah, did we really need to see a stupid nonsensical explanation for Tim Burton's stupid nonsensical Planet of the Rapes? Looks frustratingly lame, like it'll suck twice as bad as Burton's in regards to ape insanity with only a quarter of ape the action; you'll have to wait through 90 minutes of mind-numbing exposition with James Franco before the apes to even do anything. Which seems to amount to, "We're smart, let's kill everything! We have no technology, but we have human intellect and ape strength!" Mankind will fall in a week, of course.

"These apes aren't showing up on radar, they are off THE GRID!" :magni:

"It's Gorilla Warfare!" :troll:
 

Aazealh

Administrator
Staff member
Griffith said:
When the hell did this happen!?

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/rise-planet-apes.html#showVideo=1

This is just ridiculous. How many times are they going to recycle that story? It's sci-fi from the sixties for god's sake, and even the original novel was more credible than this evolutionary magic bullshit. But beyond that, this has nothing to do with the actual story anymore. Gross.
 
Twilight: Breaking Dawn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4d_qIGAiCE

Its inclusion in this topic was pretty much expected and the trailer speaks volumes of the story's mediocrity.
 
Red Band trailer for Conan just came out ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afKRndn5FKk

Pots of blood XD ... I'll go watch it regardless because it's a Conan movie. I wish it wasn't made, but oh well.
 

Rhombaad

Video Game Time Traveler
IncantatioN said:
Red Band trailer for Conan just came out ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afKRndn5FKk

Pots of blood XD ... I'll go watch it regardless because it's a Conan movie. I wish it wasn't made, but oh well.

Ugh. I think I'll skip it. It looks like a TV movie that very little time was spent on. Pity. :sad:
 

NightCrawler

Aeons gone, vast, mad and deathless
IncantatioN said:
Red Band trailer for Conan just came out ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afKRndn5FKk

Pots of blood XD ... I'll go watch it regardless because it's a Conan movie. I wish it wasn't made, but oh well.

It looks like R-rated Hercules the tv show. And why do they keep putting shitty nu-butt-metal in these trailers?
 

Griffith

With the streak of a tear, Like morning dew
IncantatioN said:
Red Band trailer for Conan just came out ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afKRndn5FKk

And we have Perlman... which means my dad's interest in this movie will automatically receive a 25-50% boost because in his world Ron Perlman is an A-lister. :ganishka:

Rhombaad said:
Ugh. I think I'll skip it. It looks like a TV movie that very little time was spent on. Pity. :sad:
NightCrawler said:
It looks like R-rated Hercules the tv show.

You mean an R-rated Conan the tv show, from the makers of Hercules! That reminds me, it's been too long.

NightCrawler said:
And why do they keep putting shitty nu-butt-metal in these trailers?

Just goes to show who their target audience is and what they think of them:

 

NightCrawler

Aeons gone, vast, mad and deathless
Griffith said:
You mean an R-rated Conan the tv show, from the makers of Hercules!

I had totally erased that from my memory. Thanks :sad:

Now for some cleansing: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8s6pn_conan-the-barbarian-battle-of-the-m_shortfilms

Griffith said:
Just goes to show who their target audience is and what they think of them:


We all know this movie is going to suck (and it's in 3D for fuck sake). But the question is how do you market it?
You could have a trailer with orchestral music (which i believe will be in the movie) and maybe get the small group of die hard REH fans who'll show up to the theater and see it on opening weekend...and then have a bad opening weekend and watch the film disappear in two weeks.
Or you could put mall rock in the trailer and get the most dependable movie going audience to show up, the 18-30 year old males, and hope to have a successful first weekend which will carry over for a couple weeks.
Remember we're not talking art here, we're talking advertising and business, and in that sense this is a successful trailer. Yes, the trailer didn't sell it to us, but we have to face facts, the actual Millius & REH fans are not that big of percentage of the audience, and the studio isn't worried about what we think as much as the general masses.
I do think they are advertising this honestly, which is why it will suck. I don't think Lionsgate was interested in making a faithful Conan adaptation, they were looking to create and cash in on a property that has some name recognition. That is all they saw Conan as - a property - and because of that they are trying to market it towards people who've heard of the name but know nothing about his history or the character.
 
I couldn't be bothered to see if this was already posted, but Rock Em Sock Em Robots: The Movie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei5l3r1dV4I

Also, I don't recommend Super 8, it's pretty much
a combination of E.T., Close Encounters, Jaws, Cloverfield, and The Goonies. They were good separately, but they don't go well together.
 
Oburi said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uA48UG0gkJI Here's a good one.

I will stand outside the cinema at the premiere along with Westboro Baptist Church carrying a banner saying "God hates Adam Sandler".
 

NightCrawler

Aeons gone, vast, mad and deathless
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g2kASeEXUo

Custom tagline: "The warmest place to hide, is inside the turd of a remake."

Wasn't this supposed to be a prequel? Because it looks just like the 82 one, but with a chick.
 
NightCrawler said:
Wasn't this supposed to be a prequel? Because it looks just like the 82 one, but with a chick.

It's a remake set before the original and with the characters' genders swapped.
 
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