It Came From The Internet

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/ant/m4w/4005021412.html

Not all at once, ladies. :carcus:

My favorite excerpt:

Note #1 - I am open to girls from different ethnicities, sizes, races and ages 18-27. If you are older than 27 please include information about your EDUCATION and WORK/JOB BACKGROUND in addition to the 6 items requested above.
(P.S. Regardless of the age you tell me, don't be surprised if I ask to see your ID or Birth Certificate to verify).

Update:

Damn, that got taken down fast. Here's the complete text (I think). Enjoy!

** PLEASE READ THIS ENTIRE AD CAREFULLY BEFORE CONTACTING ME INCLUDING THE FAQs/COMMENTS AT THE END. THANK YOU.
(P.S. If you contact me it will be assumed you have read, understood and agree with everything on this page. If you disagree or don't like anything please don't contact me. On the other hand, "If you SNOOZE, you lose. . .") NOTE: I WILL TEST YOU early in the first communications/interactions between us to know if you are real, honest, motivated, serious, etc. Please take this as a fair and friendly prior warning.

ME = A very nice, mature , "gentleman." with a higher college degree and education. I have my own house (not apartment), car, income, etc. I am of Middle-Eastern descent (Iranian/Persian). A professional man with a GOOD BACKGROUND. Better than 99% of what you will find, GUARANTEE #1.

YOU = Good girl for friendship and romance. You would be treated very well and nobody will treat you better (GUARANTEE #2). HOWEVER IN ORDER FOR THIS TO HAPPEN . . .YOU HAVE TO BE. . . "Worthy," "Deserving" and "Reciprocate."

IF you provide me with ALL 6 items requested, I will respond back to you within 24-hrs. I will check and ask if you first read, understood and agree to everything on this page including the FAQs/Comments and subsequently request your cell # to text you my photo and to become more acquainted at the same time. Afterwards, we will talk on the phone too and set-up a day/time to meet.
IF YOU WANT A RESPONSE, please E-mail (1) your name, (2) your email address, (3) your location (city), (4) your age, (5) your ethnicity and (6) your current & clear photo (within the last 3 months). CURRENT means how you look "today," NOT "yesterday." For example, if you had long and black hair yesterday but short and blonde today, don't send me a photo showing your "older or previous" look. CLEAR means NO "hats," "sunglasses" or "fuzzy" photos and so forth. Your ETHNICITY means your "country" of origin or where your ancestors came from.

If your email message is incomplete (does not include all 6 items above), ignorant, disrespectful or sarcastic you will NOT get a response. NO exceptions or excuses. The email gets deleted without paying any attention to it. DO NOT contact me if you are unwilling or unable to exchange phone #, talk on the phone and meet in person within a few days or possibly the same day.

* Note #1 - I am open to girls from different ethnicities, sizes, races and ages 18-27. If you are older than 27 please include information about your EDUCATION and WORK/JOB BACKGROUND in addition to the 6 items requested above.
(P.S. Regardless of the age you tell me, don't be surprised if I ask to see your ID or Birth Certificate to verify).

*Note #2 - If you are currently pregnant or have children, it won't work out. DO NOT contact me.

* Note #3 - Remember something ladies, especially THOSE OF YOU who "Complain" about "Men." The problem is NOT "Men." The problem is YOUR "Pick," "Selection" and "Taste" in men. Do you see the difference? Choose "Better" men and you will have "Better" experiences with men. GET IT? I tell all ladies the same thing. Either you appreciate, value and can recognize a "good" man (gentleman) or you don't. If you do, you benefit (win). If you don't, you lose. The smart ones do and the dumb ones don't. WHICH ONE ARE YOU??

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) & Comments. . .

1) Question: If you are such an amazing guy then why are you still searching or single?

Answer: Good question. Did you read my headline? It says, looking for a "Worthy and Deserving" girl. By this, I mean, "mature," "intelligent," "responsible," "grateful," etc. That's like finding a needle in a haystack. Basically, I'm looking for "quality" over "quantity" so that takes longer to find.

2) Question: Most guys say they are great or a gentleman. How do I know that's really you?

Answer: Good question. I also find that most girls tell me they are a "Good Girl" too or "Worthy and Deserving" but often that's not the case either. Thus, the best and ONLY way to really know if the guy or girl is "great," is by spending a lot of time with them and getting to know them by dating and having conversations, etc. Otherwise, you will never know for sure. This works both ways for men and women. The man has to "test" the woman and vice-versa.

3) Question: Do you really think online dating is a good or serious place to find what you are looking for? Do you really take this serious? Afterall, this is Craigslist.

Answer: What do you have to lose by trying? You never know for certain unless you try. Right? If you have a negative expectation, the results will be the same. Thus, I look at "online" places like Craig's List as another place with "potential" and "possibilities" instead of looking at it from a negative or pessimistic perspective.

4) Question: I'm not in California. I currently live in Dallas, Texas. Is that OK?

Answer: No. If you live "outside" of Southern California it will be very difficult or impossible for a real friendship or relationship requiring an "airplane" for traveling and meeting.

5) Question: We are in different counties, towns or cities. Is that OK?

Answer: Yes. As long as we are both in "Southern" CA. it's not a major problem UNLESS you are unwilling or unable to "drive" —OR- use public transportation including the bus or train. I will drive to you but you must also be able or willing to travel to me and to some equal extent. I may ask you to drive or travel to me on the first meeting to "test" if you are serious. The focus and priority is on the "person" not their distance. If you allow "distance" to distract your attention from the main focus (the two people) or use "distance" as your excuse then DO NOT contact me because you have your priorities and focus out of line. (P.S. I am in the Antelope Valley - Lancaster & Palmdale Area - which is in LA COUNTY). Check the map if you are unfamiliar.

6) Question ("Comment"): I don't want to do any traveling. I want to find someone close to me or in the same city.

Answer: And I wish we lived in a "perfect" world and everything was across the street from my house or within walking distance so none of us would need cars, trains or airplanes. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect or ideal world. This world is full of "challenges" for everyone. Relationships (especially "successful" ones) require enormous time, energy and effort from both man and woman. Relationships are like a full time "JOB." It's NOT "EASY." If you are not able or willing to commit to the challenges of the "job" then you are not ready for the "job." It's that simple. (P.S. If everyone could find someone close to them or across the street, then none of us would need to be looking online for someone. Right? Get it?).

7) Question: What exactly are you looking for?

Answer: A romantic (intimate) relationship and long-term (on-going) girlfriend. This also includes the "possibility" of marriage. Thus, if this is not what you are looking for then you SHOULD NOT contact me. (P.S. I am NOT looking for a Facebook, email, telephone, texting or platonic friend. I am NOT looking for patients or customers either. So don't contact me for anything besides what is described above).

8) Question:I'm a lesbian. I do not date men. Are you cool with meeting someone that wants to be "just friends"?

Answer: See answer #7 above. I am NOT looking for "just friends." You are in the wrong section. This is the romance section called "Men Seeking Women." You should be looking under "STRICTLY PLATONIC."

9) Question: I'm only 18 or 20. Don't you think you are too old for me?

Answer: DEPENDS on your level of "MATURITY," mental growth, intelligence and overall cognitive understanding. If you are MATURE for your age it shouldn't be a problem unless you are still playing with barbie dolls, teddy bears, video games, etc. I'm in my 30's (Between 30-39). I won't tell you my exact age until we meet so don't ask beforehand.Generally speaking the MAN should be OLDER than the woman because females mature or age faster than males (both physically and mentally). This is a scientific fact. For example, females reach puberty on average at age 9 or 10. Males don't reach puberty until 14 or 15 on average. Another reason why bigger or older age gaps work better is because older men have more resources, maturity, education, life experiences, etc., to provide, treat or care for a woman properly.Generally, men under age 40 are still considered "young" while women under 30 are considered "young." Age has a different meaning and consequence for men and women.

10) Question ("Comment"): You sound or seem rude, aggressive, controlling or cocky. Just like my asshole ex-boyfriend or husband.

Answer: And you sound ignorant just like my XXXXX ex-girlfriend. It's ignorant and ridiculous to judge someone so quickly without ever talking to them, meeting them and not even spending 10 minutes with them. Trust me, I am not like your ex-boyfriend or husband. I'm much better. Don't be quick to judge someone (especially negatively) until you really get to know them which takes time.

11) Question: Are you at least 6 foot tall? Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

Answer: NO. And if this is your first focus or priority don't contact me. Instead, you need to FIRST "educate" yourself about the keys to success and happiness in relationships. These are not based on how many tattoos or inches on a ruler.

12) Question: OK, so now what? I emailed you and never got a response back. Will I be sure I will get a response back?

Answer: The ONLY reason(s) you didn't get a response is/are, (1) You did not include ALL "6" items requested, or (2) Your message was rude, disrespectful or sarcastic in some way, or (3) I never got your email. Simply re-send and wait for a response within 24-hours.

13) Question: I am super cute and have a great body. Are you good enough for me?

Answer: Tell me something about yourself that I or other men cannot $$ PURCHASE $$ for a few dollars off the street and you will have my attention. Being cute or attractive is no doubt appealing but NOT sufficient. Sadly and more humorous, most girls think just being "cute" or "pretty" will get them far or that's all they need to be successful with men. Sorry, this is not the case especially with smarter and more intelligent men with resources. We know better and not easily fooled by just a "pretty" girl. You need more than "pretty" ladies, especially if you want something real, serious or long-term with a man.

14) Question: I have tattoos and piercings and sometimes I like to dye my hair different colors. Is that OK with you?

Answer: It's OK. I am more concerned about how you talk and behave with me and if you respect and appreciate a good man. That is the starting point and not how many tattoos you have UNLESS most or entire body is covered in tattoos or piercings or you got them when you were in prison. If so, we need to talk about it some more.

15) Question: Do you drink alcohol like beer or liquor? Do you smoke or do any type of drugs? Do you mind if I do?

Answer: NO and I don't mind if "you" do but this also depends on "your" frequency, type and reason for use or consumption.

16) Question: I like to be "spoiled" and I want to know how much you are going to spend on me. How much?

Answer: You sound like a gold-digger or prostitute. My headline says "Gentleman" or "Professional" it doesn't say $ATM$ Machine. If you are looking for an ATM Machine to finance and "spoil" yourself look somewhere else. You have to appreciate the company of a "gentleman" and at the same time appreciate any amount he spends on you, if any. He has no obligation to spend a dollar on you BUT he MAY depending on what he thinks you are worthy and deserving of (not what you think) and how well you reciprocate and show appreciation for it. If you are focused on his money instead of him or if you are a gold-digger, escort or prostitute don't bother. (P.S. I don't need to be online to find a XXXXX. Many of them walk the streets a few blocks from my house everyday and are easily accessible. Get it?)

17) Question ("Comment"): Sorry, I passed out in bed and wasn't able to call or text you back. Now I am in bed sick, I have a sore throat. My phone battery died too.

Answer: I think I have heard you say that before or that you had to take your dog to the vet or something else. If you have a tendency to make "excuses" for a lot of things, then you probably aren't ready for any friendship or relationship for that manner. So that gives you a hint. If you are an "excuse-maker" don't contact me. It won't get you far with me.

18) Question: Do you have any children? Do you have a wife or ever been married?

Answer: NO.

19) Question: Hey I am looking for someone for my friend or sister and I thought your ad was cool. I want to introduce you to her. Is that OK?

Answer: That's good but I didn't hire you as my "match-finder." Thus, you can have your friend, sister or relative review this page and THEY can contact me directly as they wish. That works better. I am not really interested in talking to the "middle" person nor is that the best way to approach it.

20) Question: What type of music do you like? Do you like dogs? I need to know before I send you any information about myself.

Answer: NO other information about me besides what is already stated here until you supply the "6" items requested. Why? I don't want to spend a lot of time answering your questions UNTIL I know who you are and know you are serious. This will give me confidence that I'm not wasting a lot of time answering questions to a fake or phony person. As of right now, and if you have been reading this far, you know A LOT more about me than I know about you.

21) Question ("Comment"): I can only text or email you -OR- I can't talk much over the phone —OR- I will let you know in a few days when we can meet.

Answer: Seems like you aren't too serious and aren't looking for something real or serious either. If you are looking for a "texting" relationship or uncertain as to what exactly you want, then DO NOT contact me. If you have read this far, it should be clear to you what I am looking for.

22) Question ("Comment"): I am scared of "Internet" dating. I don't meet anyone from the Internet.

Answer: Then why are you on the "Internet" and searching here? You don't get into a car and start driving and then tell your passengers inside the car that you are afraid to drive. Either you are scared or not. Do yourself a favor. On the top right of your screen there is a "Log-Out" or "X" button. Close your screen and turn off your computer and hopefully your fear will go away soon.

23) Question ("Comment"): I am going to be evicted from my house and will be homeless soon. My parents are also going through a divorce and I have to go to Court next week.

Answer: Sounds like you have a lot of personal problems or distractions in your life at the moment. It's best to resolve whatever your personal tragedies or challenges are first and before you pursue a relationship with someone. DO NOT contact me if you are too distracted from personal matters in your life because you are not ready to be in a real/serious relationship.

24) Question ("Comment"): I have to work all this week and my school starts the week after. I am super busy and don't have time to meet or date for some time.

Answer: Similar to answer #23 above. It sounds like you don't have time for a "relationship" either which is like another "JOB." You have to be "available" and willing to set aside time to show up to the "JOB." You have to resolve whatever "outside" distractions or obstacles you have (i.e., other jobs, school, etc) so you can be available for at least 2-3 full days per week and at various times including weekends for dating, hanging out, etc. DO NOT contact me if you are too "busy" or "unavailable" because you are not ready to be in a real/serious relationship. You will not make any progress in that matter and in the area of relationships.

25) Question ("Comment"): I can't date or go out unless my parents give me permission —OR- I have to be home by 10 pm because my parents will get mad —OR- My sister is next to me right now so I can't talk on the phone.

Answer: If you are 18 or 30 years old (legal adult) and your parents or siblings still "control" your decisions, then please don't contact me. I am not looking to "babysit" anyone or let you make me feel I am with a child. You must be "free" from the decision or control of your parents, siblings or anyone else, otherwise this will interfere with the ability to focus on each other WITHOUT outside interference or distractions. This does not mean you shouldn't respect or listen to your parents or other family members or that I am unwilling to meet or talk with them. It means that you should be able to control your own decision making and not tell me "I need to get my mom or dad's permission. . ." or "I can't go out tonight because my parent's or sister won't let me. . ." and things of that sort.

26) Question ("Comment"): When you come pick me up, park down the street and not next to my house because I don't want my parents or anyone to see us —OR- I can't kiss you now because I don't want someone to see us or in the car together.

Answer: Similar to answer #25 above. It sounds like you are under the control of others and/or too immature, shy or embarrassed to be in a romantic relationships and/or concerned about "others" more than you are about "us." I am NOT looking for a "secret, discreet or immature" relationship but something "open," "romantic," "mature," "friendly" and "formal." Get it?

27) Question: Why can't you XXX?! —OR- I want to know why XXX!?.

Answer: Asking questions is fine but "arguing" is NOT attractive. You have a right to disagree BUT if your intention is to "argue," just do us both a favor and don't contact me at all. Men, in general, are TURNED-OFF by aggressive or argumentative woman BECAUSE it is characteristic of a traditional "masculine" person and NOT someone feminine. Have you heard of the "Bitch" stereotype? That's what I mean. When men date the opposite sex they don't want to feel they are with another man but with a female. If this is your style, please DO NOT contact me because we won't get along.

28) Question: I don't think I'm your type or will have any chance with you. Should I still contact you?

Answer: You are welcomed and encouraged to contact me UNLESS you are not serious, don't like or disagree with anything I have stated in this ad or profile.

** Thank you for taking the time to read my entire ad (profile) **
 
Haha, so good.
A professional man with a GOOD BACKGROUND. Better than 99% of what you will find, GUARANTEE #1

This should be a slogan for sk.net, or for Berserk itself
A professional manga with a GOOD BACKGROUND. Better than 99% of what you will find, GUARANTEE #1
 

Deci

Avatar by supereva01 @ DA
Tom Cruise on the tallest building in the world in Dubai with no harnesses whatsoever:

NcRnMtM.jpg


Not a fan personally, but I don't know if I'd do that, as someone who loves to test my limits I do still have limits.
 

Saephon

Die young and save yourself
Saephon said:
Does Forbes have a satire column? Because this is so ridiculous it's hard to take it as someone's real opinion. The guy quotes Ayn Rand, for pete's sake. All I have to do to dismiss anyone's opinion these days is Ctrl + F "objectivism". :schierke:

For your enjoyment here's a transcript from back in the day of Jim Henson talking to Rand. Henson was a badass.

http://www.arpanetdialogues.net/vol-iv/3/ said:

JIM HENSON

I think Ms. Rand and my character Oscar the Grouch would have a lot to talk about actually. I am laughing out loud at this idea.

AYN RAND

Why would I want to talk to him. What has he achieved or trying to achieve.

JIM HENSON

He has achieved what I think is the ultimate goal of your way of thinking.

. . .

JIM HENSON

Isolation. Contempt for others. A hard heart. Yet even he can muster a bit of empathy every now and then.

. . .

AYN RAND

I am not isolated. I have no contempt for others. Millions of people read my books and find my thoughts inspirational. I hardly spend my time on the sidelines in a trash can grumping.

JIM HENSON

Not yet anyway.​
 
Saephon said:
Does Forbes have a satire column? Because this is so ridiculous it's hard to take it as someone's real opinion. The guy quotes Ayn Rand, for pete's sake. All I have to do to dismiss anyone's opinion these days is Ctrl + F "objectivism". :schierke:

I figured out he was serious because he was a fanatical disciple of Ayn Rand. That's how you can tell this middle school pseudo-intellectual level of thinking is actually genuine. That's the only way someone can argue that the accumulation of wealth is the most inherently noble thing ever and then consider Lloyd Blankfein to be the most convincing example of that.
 

Aazealh

Administrator
Staff member
Saephon said:
Does Forbes have a satire column? Because this is so ridiculous it's hard to take it as someone's real opinion.

That was my initial reaction as well. Seeing that they allow for such drivel on their website certainly lowered my respect for that publication.
 

Lithrael

Remember, always hold your apple tight
For the record, the arpanet dialogs are satirical fiction. I do love them though. I think they nailed it.
 
Not sure where to post these reviews of sugarless gummy bears:

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC/ref=dp_db_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
 
That is the best fucking review ever. I love the top 5 star review as well.

We sell these at the grocery store that I work at, and before having read this review, I've been tempted to buy them because, you know, it's 5 pounds of gummies and I hate myself.

...but not that much.



/edit Actually, I'll have to check to see if it's the sugarless kind.
 
Just what the... why... i don't even...
Anime Bath Scene Wiki is a collective database about bath and shower scenes from anime & manga and various elements involving them.
why would you need that?


oh lol, and they have Berserk, the scene when Guts and Griffith play around at that well and Griffith shows the beherit :ganishka:
 

Vampire_Hunter_Bob

Cats are great
http://buzzfeedminusgifs.tumblr.com/?og=1

I love Buzzfeed's writing, but couldn't stand those pesky GIFs getting in the way.
I wish that I had thought of this first. :judo:

8 Reasons Candy Corn Is The Worst (Minus The GIFs)

It’s neither candy nor corn. Well, it might technically be a candy and includes corn syrup as an ingredient, but honestly, it just doesn’t count. Candy corn leaves kids feeling sad and unfulfilled. Wax is an actual ingredient in candy corn. The other ingredients are sugar, corn syrup, salt, egg whites and colorings. When trick or treating, it is almost always distributed in a homemade bag. Oreo couldn’t even make candy corn work. If you hand out candy corn on Halloween, you will be lame. You will end up with a lot of leftover wax-candy.
 

Deci

Avatar by supereva01 @ DA
Rendarg said:
Just what the... why... i don't even...why would you need that?


oh lol, and they have Berserk, the scene when Guts and Griffith play around at that well and Griffith shows the beherit :ganishka:

You know, before I got to the end of your post I was thinking of the Casca/Farnese bath scene, now I'm left wondering if Miura intentionally drew up any parrallels between those two scenes. Both scenes have an on-looker, they even both have the dumping of buckets of water on each other. I think Guts is talking about the Beherit with Flora at the time too! Either way, interesting.

As for the website, it's eh, weird... but this is anime/hentai fandom and hence nothing will surprise me there. :ganishka:
 
But only one scene has a chestnut-shaped elf drinking cups of sake! God, i love the details in this manga :ganishka:
You don't know how hard it is after having expierenced Berserk, and then coming back every week to Naruto, to read a chapter full of... of... stick figures in comparison
(yes i said chapter, don't hurt me, they are called chapters there :judo: )

And no, no that isn't hentai. It's simply a scientific attempt on cataloguing every single scene containing a shower, bathroom, pool, or anything else that involves characters swimming or being in water, from all over the anime and manga history

makes sense, doesn't it?......... :schnoz:



dammit, they even have Batman
Here the first Robin, Richard Grayson, attacks Bruce in the shower.
i just leave the rest to your imagination
 
As it turns out we're all winners: "What each country leads the world in".

http://thedoghousediaries.com/5414
 
Talk about bait and switch. Sheesh!! :void:


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2223718/Chinese-man-sues-wife-ugly-court-AGREES--awarding-120-000.html
 

Vampire_Hunter_Bob

Cats are great
Johnny Apples said:
Talk about bait and switch. Sheesh!! :void:


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2223718/Chinese-man-sues-wife-ugly-court-AGREES--awarding-120-000.html

Glad to see the justice system working in the victim's favor.
 
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