Okay, for those of you with no idea who Robert Hamburger is, he runs one of the biggest and most HILARIOUS sites on the net called realultimatepower.com. The deal is that he's supposed to be a ten-year-old (while in reality, he's in his twenties) who's obsessed with ninjas and knows absolutely nothing about them. Below, you will find a compilation of scripts from the "pumpup" sections, which I have mixed together, and edited to sound like the ending to Berserk. So enjoy, and PLEASE don't bitch about plagerism!
Guts walks down the street to go eat some food. He's all wearing black and looking totally sweet. There is some awesome music playing in the background to get the audience really pumped. Then Slan jumps out of nowhere (the babe godhand). Guts starts beating Slan's ass bad. Then she starts trying to run away, but Guts pulls out his arm cannon and fires at her. The cannonball knocks Slan's head totally off. The head rolls over near this old dog that looks at the head and barfs all over the place, including the camera, which is awesome. Guts starts flying and everybody starts screaming. Then the scene ends.
The audience sees Guts and Caska eating at a super expensive restaurant. Caska is so hot that steam is coming out of her mouth or hair. Some old idiot is sitting by the couple. The idiot is giving the girlfriend "the eye" and popping like 16 boners. But Guts sees the boners and the music really pumps up. The audience knows this guy is dead meat for sure. But out of nowhere, the old idiot pulls off his jacket to show that he is Conrad with lasers and everything (the really fat godhand). Guts is like yeah right who cares and then pops the biggest boner ever, bigger than the biggest blackest boner alive. Guts's boner smashes the entire restaurant. Every single one of Conrad's boners explodes while making a whistling sound. Guts looks back at Caska. She smiles and they pork.
Meanwhile, Ubik is living in a humongous house (the little godhand). At his house, he has babes lying all over the place. The next scene is hot. Ubik takes this super hot babe back to his room to make-out. Then Guts comes out of nowhere and smashes Ubik's head like a melon. Then all these dogs come out of nowhere and Guts has to beat the dogs' asses. First he kicks this one dog right in the nuts. The dog screams and jumps out the window. Then he jumps in the air and kicks two dogs in the nuts at once! Both dogs evaporate. Every time Guts kicks nuts, a guitar squeals hard. Then Guts has to battle the boss dog. The boss dog is huge. Before the boss dog can attack, he uppercuts the boss dog's nuts so hard that the boss explodes. Then the guitar squeals REALLY hard and explodes.
Guts is sleeping at his house. Void (the brain guy) walks by singing a super annoying song. Then Guts wakes up super pissed and ready to rock. Void just keeps walking and singing, while Guts starts cutting down a building. When Void walks by the building, it falls on him. (When the building is falling, a guitar will be wailing hard in the background.) There will be a close up of Void's feet sticking out from under the building. The feet explode all over the place, because of blood pressure. Then we see that Guts was playing the guitar. Then all these babes start coming out of nowhere and Guts starts wailing ever harder (if that's even possible).
The next morning, there's this sweet king that had mounds of gold and babes. Griffith decides to steal the mounds and surround the castle with a bunch of demons and everybody freaks, except the king who's like "Chill homies, I'll handle this crap."
Griffith stands outside the castle walls and is like "You think you are so cool, but guess what, you're not. Good luck dying!" Then the king replies "Yeah right. How would you like to meet my best friends?"
Then out of nowhere there's a small sound of a guitar wailing really really hard behind the hills. The wailing starts getting louder and louder and louder. Then out of nowhere, they see Guts standing on top of a huge hill looking totally sweet. Everybody is like "Woooooooooooow!" He's wearing all black and he has this jet red guitar in his hands. Then smoke smokes over the hills like trains. But the smoke is the new Band of the Hawks! And Griffith sees about a billion Hawks with guitars standing on top this his huge hill. And they start to wail.
When the Hawks wail on their guitars, the demons start spraying diarrhea on each other and love it. And when they wail harder, the demons spray harder. As the Hawks saunter down the hill, the demons' chests and butts explode. (They die from this.) Then the Hawks finally reach Griffith who is really huge. Out of nowhere Griffith pulls out this baby banjo and tries to fiddle with it like a little baby-baby. Guts is like "Yeah right." and all the billions of the Hawks surround Griffith. Half of the Hawks all combine to form the biggest guitar in the universe. The other half form the biggest boner in the universe. Then the huge guitar points right at Griffith, who is like "Holy CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!" Before Griffith can even do anything, the super boner slaps against the guitar making the hugest wail ever to happen anywhere ever. Griffith explodes so hard that every single one of his kids he would have had explode and all of his grandparents explode along with his neighbors and people who he merely said "hello" to.
Then there's this huge concert at the castle. All the babes in the castle morph into this humongous female crotch. The huge boner and crotch pork softly, while slamming into the guitar and wailing. Guts porks Caska forever, which is awesome. And guess what, the king sits on top of this huge pile of gold and babes and laughs his frigg'n ass off about how stupid Griffith was. Then the camera starts fading out and then explodes.
FIN
EDIT: Okay, who changed my title, and moved the topic from speculation nation?
Guts walks down the street to go eat some food. He's all wearing black and looking totally sweet. There is some awesome music playing in the background to get the audience really pumped. Then Slan jumps out of nowhere (the babe godhand). Guts starts beating Slan's ass bad. Then she starts trying to run away, but Guts pulls out his arm cannon and fires at her. The cannonball knocks Slan's head totally off. The head rolls over near this old dog that looks at the head and barfs all over the place, including the camera, which is awesome. Guts starts flying and everybody starts screaming. Then the scene ends.
The audience sees Guts and Caska eating at a super expensive restaurant. Caska is so hot that steam is coming out of her mouth or hair. Some old idiot is sitting by the couple. The idiot is giving the girlfriend "the eye" and popping like 16 boners. But Guts sees the boners and the music really pumps up. The audience knows this guy is dead meat for sure. But out of nowhere, the old idiot pulls off his jacket to show that he is Conrad with lasers and everything (the really fat godhand). Guts is like yeah right who cares and then pops the biggest boner ever, bigger than the biggest blackest boner alive. Guts's boner smashes the entire restaurant. Every single one of Conrad's boners explodes while making a whistling sound. Guts looks back at Caska. She smiles and they pork.
Meanwhile, Ubik is living in a humongous house (the little godhand). At his house, he has babes lying all over the place. The next scene is hot. Ubik takes this super hot babe back to his room to make-out. Then Guts comes out of nowhere and smashes Ubik's head like a melon. Then all these dogs come out of nowhere and Guts has to beat the dogs' asses. First he kicks this one dog right in the nuts. The dog screams and jumps out the window. Then he jumps in the air and kicks two dogs in the nuts at once! Both dogs evaporate. Every time Guts kicks nuts, a guitar squeals hard. Then Guts has to battle the boss dog. The boss dog is huge. Before the boss dog can attack, he uppercuts the boss dog's nuts so hard that the boss explodes. Then the guitar squeals REALLY hard and explodes.
Guts is sleeping at his house. Void (the brain guy) walks by singing a super annoying song. Then Guts wakes up super pissed and ready to rock. Void just keeps walking and singing, while Guts starts cutting down a building. When Void walks by the building, it falls on him. (When the building is falling, a guitar will be wailing hard in the background.) There will be a close up of Void's feet sticking out from under the building. The feet explode all over the place, because of blood pressure. Then we see that Guts was playing the guitar. Then all these babes start coming out of nowhere and Guts starts wailing ever harder (if that's even possible).
The next morning, there's this sweet king that had mounds of gold and babes. Griffith decides to steal the mounds and surround the castle with a bunch of demons and everybody freaks, except the king who's like "Chill homies, I'll handle this crap."
Griffith stands outside the castle walls and is like "You think you are so cool, but guess what, you're not. Good luck dying!" Then the king replies "Yeah right. How would you like to meet my best friends?"
Then out of nowhere there's a small sound of a guitar wailing really really hard behind the hills. The wailing starts getting louder and louder and louder. Then out of nowhere, they see Guts standing on top of a huge hill looking totally sweet. Everybody is like "Woooooooooooow!" He's wearing all black and he has this jet red guitar in his hands. Then smoke smokes over the hills like trains. But the smoke is the new Band of the Hawks! And Griffith sees about a billion Hawks with guitars standing on top this his huge hill. And they start to wail.
When the Hawks wail on their guitars, the demons start spraying diarrhea on each other and love it. And when they wail harder, the demons spray harder. As the Hawks saunter down the hill, the demons' chests and butts explode. (They die from this.) Then the Hawks finally reach Griffith who is really huge. Out of nowhere Griffith pulls out this baby banjo and tries to fiddle with it like a little baby-baby. Guts is like "Yeah right." and all the billions of the Hawks surround Griffith. Half of the Hawks all combine to form the biggest guitar in the universe. The other half form the biggest boner in the universe. Then the huge guitar points right at Griffith, who is like "Holy CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!" Before Griffith can even do anything, the super boner slaps against the guitar making the hugest wail ever to happen anywhere ever. Griffith explodes so hard that every single one of his kids he would have had explode and all of his grandparents explode along with his neighbors and people who he merely said "hello" to.
Then there's this huge concert at the castle. All the babes in the castle morph into this humongous female crotch. The huge boner and crotch pork softly, while slamming into the guitar and wailing. Guts porks Caska forever, which is awesome. And guess what, the king sits on top of this huge pile of gold and babes and laughs his frigg'n ass off about how stupid Griffith was. Then the camera starts fading out and then explodes.
FIN
EDIT: Okay, who changed my title, and moved the topic from speculation nation?
