Gwar vs. The Godhand

[Tristram]

In Gwar's corner:
Oderus Urungus
Weapon: 8 foot long Death-Sword, Cuttlefish of Cthulu
Strength: Cannot die
Weakness: Passing out in a drunken stupor, Acne

Flattus Maximus
Weapon: Toxic Fumes
Strength: Extremely toxic fumes
Weakness: Incontinence, can't read, can't write

Balsac the Jaws of Death
Weapon: Battle-Axe, Beartrap for a head
Strength: Beartrap for a head
Weakness: Doesn't really like fighting and killing, just does it because Oderus makes him

Beefcake the Mighty
Weapon: Roman Gladius
Strength: King of Shit Mountain
Weakness: Is a fat-ass

Jizzmak the Gusha
Weapon: Stone-Hammer
Strength: Can wipe his own ass
Weakness: Passes out after violent episodes of rage


In the God-Hand's corner...

Void
Weapon: Creates voids
Strength: Godhand Apostle
Weakness: Exposed Brain; Prone to Gangrine

Slan
Weapon: Sexy Ass
Strength: Sexy Ass
Weakness: Female

Ubik
Weapon: Tentacles
Strength: Able to float upside down
Weakness: Fat-Ass

Conrad
Weapon: Stupid Laugh
Strength: Able to kill millions with a single chuckle
Weakness: Even more of a fat-ass then Ubik, and can't even float around.


WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD WIN?

 

[Tristram]

I may be a bit biased but I think Gwar would win but probably on accident.

 

[d00kiemastah]

Whoever wins we lose.

 

[Tristram]

Whoever wins we lose.

Well if Gwar wins, we can at least be sure to survive for a while if we keep them well-supplied with crack to keep them relatively docile.

Meanwhile the Godhand is just evil for the sake of evil.

Also; Being a Gwar slave wouldn't be that bad except for the fact that they might slice you up for BBQ meat. There is always that risk.

With Godhand you'd just get tentacle raped to the point of exploding.

 

[d00kiemastah]

I have no idea what Gwar is, so I was just hoping that my last reply would be vaguely insulting.  Apparently it was not.  Pretend it was!

 

[DarkBlademaster]

Wtf is this.

 

[Walter]

*crumple crumple* *toss*

 

[Tristram]

Well Gwar is alot of things, but most notably for this case, there are 5 members of Gwar (well okay 5 standard members not counting slymentstria, sleazy p., and techno destructo) and 5 members of the Godhand.

For those of you who are familiar with the "Would you like to making fuck? Berserker!" phrase, that is from the Gwar song featured in a Jay and Silent Bob movie titled Clerks.

Gwar is the rotted womb of the human race, and if they have their way they eventual tomb as well. At least they like their jobs, with exception of Balsac.

 

[ShinHell9]

It's things like this that make me feel better when I make a stupid post or topic, alls I say is "thank god I didn't make this shit".

 

[SaiyajinNoOuji]

Wait a god damn minute. What about the Sexucutioner? What good is the limitless violence with out limitless sex?!

 

[Tristram]

Wait a god damn minute. What about the Sexucutioner? What good is the limitless violence with out limitless sex?!

Sexecutioner was killed by techno destructo :(

 

[SaiyajinNoOuji]

Sexecutioner was killed by techno destructo :(

YOU LIE!!!!!! :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

 

[Tristram]

YOU LIE!!!!!!  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

It's true, and Techno Destructo was actually impersonating him for a while. This was all really long ago to like, maybe a little bit after the slave revolt of 1994.